Fun Facts about the Founding Fathers

  • “The Founding Fathers” is a misnomer because not all of them fathered children. But the original term, “The Founding Fathers, Some Sterile Husbands, and a Few Bachelors” never really stuck for some reason.
  • On that note, after recently discovered evidence of having fathered numerous children with one of his slaves, Thomas Jefferson is now considered to be the Ultimate Founding Father by prominent historians.
  • Thomas Jefferson negotiated the Louisiana Purchase completely wasted, which was why he asked for enough land to double the size of the United States. He was astonished to find that when he woke up from his week-long binge, the French had accepted the offer. As it turns out, Napoleon had been completely trashed as well.
  • The working title on the first draft of the Declaration of Independence was actually “The First Britain Exit” or “First Brexit” for short. John Adams vetoed the title on the grounds that it sounded stupid and didn’t make sense.
  • John Adams’ last name was actually a nickname that he legally adopted when he turned 27. It was a nickname given to him by high school classmates because had two Adam’s apples. His original surname is Obama.
  • George Washington has a similar story. He had a mild case of OCD in high school and would wash his underwear and wig every single day, hence the nickname “Washing-ton.” He legally changed his name when he was 32 years, 7 months, 14 days, and 58 minutes old. The seconds are disputed.
  • George Washington’s original surname is also Obama.
  • George Oba–err, I mean, Washington was also known to be a genius battle commander. One time he won a battle against 3,000 redcoats using only 20 good men, several well-placed wigs, a couple of butter churns, and 16 horse saddles. No horses; just the saddles.
  • Alexander Hamilton was born out of wedlock and grew up in the Caribbean. When he grew to be a prominent member of American government, he called himself the Bastard of the South and had a Yorkshire Terrier named Ghostling. He also had a thing for redheads.
  • Alexander Hamilton believed that he had a uniquely catchy name to say and would have a band follow him around everywhere and would randomly burst into song. Or, at the very least, speak rhyming words with a special cadence.
  • Benjamin Franklin is considered to be “The First American” due to his tendency for self-deprecation, obsession with freedom, problems with obesity, and mild racism.
  • I’ve already spoken about Benjamin Franklin’s long, tumultuous history with turkeys.
  • Nobody cares about John Jay.

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