Thoughts While Restocking the Porn Mags

– Oh shit, boobs.

– They should really label these boxes.

– At least I don’t have to put away any more wedding magazines. Why are there so many damn wedding magazines? I thought marriage rates were at an all-time low.

– Anyways, back to the porn box.

– Alright, I have an armful. I’ll put these where they belong just like what I’ve been doing with all the other magazines. It’s not weird. Don’t make it weird.

– Man, this section is just a mess. I could put these into the corner with the rest of the MILF magazines. But why is this one here? This should go here…and this should go over there…who the hell put this back here? Christ, people, just put the magazine back where you found it. Why is this so hard?

– Crap, there’s a customer standing behind me. I think he wants to look at the porn mags. Or maybe he sees the ones I have in my hand and is judging me. Oh god, why am I holding this one? This is embarrassing. I’ll just stuff these in somewhere and go back to the box so he knows that I work here and I’m not some fetishist.

– Oh…that’s why this section is so disorganized. Haste and shame.

– The customer is gone. Time to grab another handful.

– Back to the task at hand. I need to check the dates too, so I can pull the old ones off the shelves.

– Why are all the dates written at the bottom? I have to pull them out to check.

– Heheh. Pull out.

– Oh wow. This model is really flexible.

– Yeesh. That doesn’t look fun at all.

–  Interesting. They have a whole magazine on this fetish.

– I’m glad they put little stars where the nipples should be. Totally makes it less sexual.

– Shit, a little kid and his mom are passing by.

– Why is she looking at me like that? This is my job. She shouldn’t bring her children around this way if she didn’t want to see a skinny Asian guy holding a bunch of graphic nudity in his arms.

– Oh wait, it’s not graphic. There are nipple stars.

– I should give the kid a mag just to piss off his mom.

– Nah, I’d probably get fired.

– It might even be a crime.

– I’d definitely get fired.

– Okay, final batch.

– It’s kind of funny that the porn mags are under the Men’s Health section. I suppose it is loosely related to men’s health. I think.

– The other magazines in this section are about tattoos, weed, motorcycles and airplanes. That’s definitely all that men need.

– Here’s another customer. He looks kind of nervous.

– Wow, he moves fast. I’m not sure if he even saw what he picked out. Aaand he’s left the store. He didn’t even take his receipt. A quick in and out, I guess.

– Now that I think about it, people still buy porn mags? I thought it was a thing of the past, like floppy disks or MySpace or my appendix or racism.

– Hah, jokes.

– But really, why do these still exist? Are there people unaware of the vast wonders of the internet? You can get really specific in your searches nowadays.

– Or perhaps they’re just really old-fashioned. Can’t, you know, do it without a few physical, glossy pages of scantily-clad-to-completely-nude women clutched in your other fist.

– Whatever the reason, I suppose that now I am the one who has to make sure that they have access to their release. Great.

– I love my life.

– Okay, I’m done with these porn mags. Finally. Next box.

– Oh shit, more boobs.

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